canadianwon

Racing Jokes and Sayings

51 posts in this topic

Other than that other post about,"Crew person needed ASAP", I think it is time to get some good ole humour going for everyone to enjoy and to get the opportunity to participate in. We all can get on some serious topics on here, (which is alright), so does anyone have any good racing jokes and sayings that they would like to share? Enjoy everyone.

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I think this will fall in this category.

TOP 10: LAWS OF AUTO RACING:

10) The number of times you get hit in a pileup is directly proportional to the number of times you said, " I think it will go ok today".

9) You only get the lead when you need fuel.

8) If a tire can go on the wrong side, it will.

7) A part will never break during a test session, only during a race.

6) The driver behind you is always the one you punted last week.

5) The part you left at the shop is the one you need.

4) The number of laps remaining is always one more than the amount of fuel left in the car.

3) Your good car will get wrecked, your bad car will finish the race....two laps down.

2) The concrete wall is harder at the tracks you wreck at.

1) A 10-car pileup will never happen....behind you.

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and some more "Murphy's Law" as it applies to racing..

1)..interchangable parts won't..

2)...unbreakable parts will..

and more importantly,all of what bob said up there...LOL :lol:

a saying for a T-shirt..

at this year when approached by various charities..

"I'm not really a cheap bastage,I just own a race car!!".. :lol: I had a better one awhile agobut I forgot it...duhhhhhhhhh...

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Not Racing but a saying ---

7yrs old: Mom I love you. 10 yrs old: Mom whatever. 16 yrs old: O My God my mom is so annoying. 18 yrs old: I wanna leave this house 25 yrs old: Mom, you were right. 30 yrs old: I wanna go back to my mom's house. 50 yrs old: I don't wanna lose my mom. 70 yrs old: I would give up .........everything... for my mom to be here with me.

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Racing Driver's Census and Answers: ( or when arrested);

NAME: John Doe

SEX: Male

AGE: 45

RACE: Every Weekend

How do you know when a Dirt fan is watching a Formula One race? When he taps you on the shoulder and ask," are we watching qualifying?"

Dale Earnhardt Jr. is getting a new crew chief from China. His name is Win-Won-Soon. :p

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Racing Driver's Census and Answers: ( or when arrested);

NAME: John Doe

SEX: Male

AGE: 45

RACE: Every Weekend

How do you know when a Dirt fan is watching a Formula One race? When he taps you on the shoulder and ask," are we watching qualifying?"

Dale Earnhardt Jr. is getting a new crew chief from China. His name is Win-Won-Soon. :p

Famous quotes used by anyone who's ever raced cars . 1 - It was just a racin thing ! ( guy was upside down hangin from the catch fence ) 2 - Time to make the donuts . 3 - Track reporter sticks a microphone in a drivers face that has just flipped and says , what happend out there ? driver says I flipped . 3 - I gave him a little tap just to let him know I was there , ( hit the guy so hard that it broke the back bumper off the car ) 4 - I never saw you , didnt know you were there . 5 - I lost my brakes ! ( but they seemed to work fine when the yellow comes out to retrieve the car you punted into the woods ) 6 - I dont have the power those guys have . 7 - This thing is driven like a dump truck ! 8 - Well he started on the pole what do you expect ( the winner lapped the field 3 times ! ) 9 - hell I was just as fast as him I just couldnt catch a break ( got lapped 3 times ! ) 10 - Yeah I caused the wreck it was totally my fault and I would like to pay for the damages on everyones cars that were involved ( YEAH RIGHT !!!!! )lol.

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I stayed right with them for the first couple laps, then the green flag came out.

1 person likes this

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bumper sticker : "We interrupt this marriage to bring you the racing season"

:rolleyes:

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I don't know what happened.....it wouldn't start/move till the yellow came out....then it just suddenly took off.

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A man walks into a bar with his dog. A Sprint Cup race is on a TV.

He sits down and asks how Dale Earnhardt jr is doing. The bartender says "Earnhardts is in 25th". The dog jumps up, and runs around

the barstool 25 times. A couple of laps later, the bartender says "Earnhardt is up to 10th". The dog jumps up again and runs around

the barstool 10 times. A few laps later, the bartender says "Earnhardt is up to 3rd",

after which the dog again jumps up and runs around the barstool 3 times

The bartender says "WOW!! That dog is amazing!! What does he do if

Earnhardt wins?"

"I don't know", says the man, "I've only had him for 2 years!"

saw this one on line....and Im a Jr fan..lol

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on the back of one of my "Gotta Race" T-shirts..

RACING...because all the other sports only require one ball!!....... :lol:

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The Top Ten Reasons Racing Is Better Than Sex

10. It’s socially acceptable to do it while others watch.

9. Bigger cars don’t always get the most attention.

8. Your race car won't leave you if you drive another car.

7. You get to use your rubber more than once.

6. You don’t have to sit through dinner and a movie before you race.

5. You and the car always finish at the same time.

4. You always know where to put your hands.

3. You can drive hard, right from the start.

2. The quicker you finish, the better you are.

1. You can do it more than once in one afternoon.

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How do you make a small fortune in racing? Start with a big one.

All you need to fix anything is duct tape and wd40. If it moves and shouldn't use the duct tape. If it should move and doesn't use the wd40.

If it cannot be fixed with a hammer, you have an electrical problem.

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I'll take a quote from the movie "Day's of Thunder". The driver "Cole" is complaining about a driver behind him hitting him in the rear, and his crew chief come on and says, "He didn't slam you, he didn't bump you, he didn't nudge you, he rubbed you, and rubbin son is racing"! I think more drivers should stop complaining and having hissy fits in the pits when another driver rubs them on the track! If you don't like it, rub them back! Make it exciting side by side racing with a little nerf bar rubbin!

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Most women will tell ya; "If it's got tires or testicles it's gonna be trouble!"

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'That car's too fast for this class.'

i've heard that one before!...I just wish they were talking about my car!!!.....LOL...

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There's no substitute for cubic dollars

We think the problem is in your helmet

In the second turn he just backed into me

About the 10th lap started getting bad brain fade

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I think more drivers should stop complaining and having hissy fits in the pits when another driver rubs them on the track! If you don't like it, rub them back! Make it exciting side by side racing with a little nerf bar rubbin!

This is a fella who has never bought a race car part in his life. Thats why our tickets cost $30 and yours cost $10.

DING...you rubbed me, so my shock, radius rods, axle, rim, tire, and temper are done! But it was exciting right?

:blink::rolleyes:<_<

:ph34r:

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I think more drivers should stop complaining and having hissy fits in the pits when another driver rubs them on the track! If you don't like it, rub them back! Make it exciting side by side racing with a little nerf bar rubbin!

This is a fella who has never bought a race car part in his life. Thats why our tickets cost $30 and yours cost $10.

DING...you rubbed me, so my shock, radius rods, axle, rim, tire, and temper are done! But it was exciting right?

:blink::rolleyes:<_<

:ph34r:

Well then they might as well take the front bumber, rear bumper, and the 2 nerf bars of then if the racers don't want to rub rails! If your not gonna rub, why spend the money on the bumpers? Just go out and race with no bumpers then.

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I think more drivers should stop complaining and having hissy fits in the pits when another driver rubs them on the track! If you don't like it, rub them back! Make it exciting side by side racing with a little nerf bar rubbin!

This is a fella who has never bought a race car part in his life. Thats why our tickets cost $30 and yours cost $10.

DING...you rubbed me, so my shock, radius rods, axle, rim, tire, and temper are done! But it was exciting right?

:blink::rolleyes:<_<

:ph34r:

Well then they might as well take the front bumber, rear bumper, and the 2 nerf bars of then if the racers don't want to rub rails! If your not gonna rub, why spend the money on the bumpers? Just go out and race with no bumpers then.

I don't get it....where is the joke? :huh:

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I got a good one from Days Of Thunder. When the car owner (Tim) walks into the office and yells at everyone he ask's Cole "Now what's the first thing you have to do to win a race?" Harry says " Thats pretty damn simple" Tim:"I wasn't asking you....Ya have to finish". Lol i love that movie.

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