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Over the last year I have made awful split second choices that have had an awful impact in my life. I am glad that covid came because i had a job that required me to work weekends and nights and I would have never been able to get to a race. lately though my life continues to spin out of control. My job ended in mid August due to a contract not being renewed. I have had a few interviews but no offers. There have been weeks that I have done nothing. Nothing like get out of bed, shower, leave my house,  nothing.  I am planning on going to port royal but I have 0 interest in being there. Im going because I cant cancel my hotel room.  I feel that everyday is getting darker and darker with no rays of hope in sight. I think about leaving my wife while shes at work and never coming home ever again.  I just wanted to share a moment of my life in this forum as I see a lot of happiness in here while i have none. 

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Check your messages, my friend. You're part of the racing family; you've got plenty of friends here that are happy to help however we can! 

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Feel the same way, plenty of friends here to help.  I just sent you a text bud.  Here if you need us.  COVID has made my job as a teacher SUCK!  I hate it.  No student interaction, just a robot talking to a camera.  So in personal and just awful.  Whatever you need bud I'm here and I'll be a Port Royal camping so we can have some fun.  It's not the 31st Lap at Eastern States but we'll do our best to make it a party!

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1 minute ago, MikeMallett said:

Feel the same way, plenty of friends here to help.  I just sent you a text bud.  Here if you need us.  COVID has made my job as a teacher SUCK!  I hate it.  No student interaction, just a robot talking to a camera.  So in personal and just awful.  Whatever you need bud I'm here and I'll be a Port Royal camping so we can have some fun.  It's not the 31st Lap at Eastern States but we'll do our best to make it a party!

I echo what Mike said buddy, we will all be there at Port Royal my friend and we will have some fun. Just hang in there buddy!

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1 hour ago, premiumdiesel said:

Over the last year I have made awful split second choices that have had an awful impact in my life. I am glad that covid came because i had a job that required me to work weekends and nights and I would have never been able to get to a race. lately though my life continues to spin out of control. My job ended in mid August due to a contract not being renewed. I have had a few interviews but no offers. There have been weeks that I have done nothing. Nothing like get out of bed, shower, leave my house,  nothing.  I am planning on going to port royal but I have 0 interest in being there. Im going because I cant cancel my hotel room.  I feel that everyday is getting darker and darker with no rays of hope in sight. I think about leaving my wife while shes at work and never coming home ever again.  I just wanted to share a moment of my life in this forum as I see a lot of happiness in here while i have none. 

I've been exactly where you are. Some days I feel like I'm still there. My wife passed away a year ago this past September, our wedding Anniversary was Oct. 5th. I moved to this area to be with her. I have no friends here and my family is a good 2 hours away.  I haven't worked in over a year. But the one thing that has kept going is racing and this website. I'm not a facebooker or twitter person. You are going through a hard time. I say go to the Port. Meet some of the guys from DTD while your down there. You have to remember you are not alone in this world. No matter how dark it seems, you are not alone. I think it would be good to let your wife know about your depression. Talk about what you can do together to help you. Please don't keep it to yourself. Hell just posting on here means you want to talk. And I'm glad you did. You want help, accept it. 

I actually also see a local therapist each week just to have someone to talk to about things I don't want others to  know. I definitely helps. 

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I have recently read that there are approximately 40% of us who experience what you are experiencing. Please seek out professional help and talk to anybody that you can. You are not alone with these feelings. Many of us experience very low thoughts at times. You have a lot of company.  Dont lose hope. Brighter days are ahead. Please talk to someone.

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Hang in there my friend, tough times don’t last - tough people do. We’ve all had dark times and you get through them one day at a time while leaning on people around you. The racing community helps each other in many ways, often without even knowing each other personally. I won’t be at Port Royal but will be here through messages or other means. Stay strong...

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15 hours ago, premiumdiesel said:

Over the last year I have made awful split second choices that have had an awful impact in my life. I am glad that covid came because i had a job that required me to work weekends and nights and I would have never been able to get to a race. lately though my life continues to spin out of control. My job ended in mid August due to a contract not being renewed. I have had a few interviews but no offers. There have been weeks that I have done nothing. Nothing like get out of bed, shower, leave my house,  nothing.  I am planning on going to port royal but I have 0 interest in being there. Im going because I cant cancel my hotel room.  I feel that everyday is getting darker and darker with no rays of hope in sight. I think about leaving my wife while shes at work and never coming home ever again.  I just wanted to share a moment of my life in this forum as I see a lot of happiness in here while i have none. 

I’m going golfing with someone here on dtd Friday morning at port royal.... If you golf or even if you don’t golf and want to ride around with us, your more than welcomed to join... I’m not a good golfer, but I love the beauty of a golf course... Golf courses give me peace and thankfulness of this planet... And some of the conversations I’ve had on a golf course have lingered into my life, in a good way... so if you want to get away from things while your down in pa, let me know... Your not alone... And I’ll keep you in my prayers....

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It's been a tough year.  I'm praying for you brother.  It's tough to ask for help anywhere....and you did.  You've taken the first and maybe most difficult step.  

I've never gotten to the depths that you seem to be in, but I'll be "that guy" and say that my faith in God has helped a lot this year.  I've stopped going to traditional churches and found a great pastor in Steven Furtick of Elevation church in Charlotte.   He goes really long at times, but I'll be darned if he doesn't set my mind in the right direction.   

Best wishes to you.   

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Hang in there. I know how hard life can be at times. My life revolves around our small family business that has gotten much smaller due to the corona virus. I spend a lot of time and money helping a handicapped friend and a difficult situation has been made worse due to financial woes. Do not give up as things can and do get better.

 

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Definitely better to get out than stay in when you’re feeling like that. Sometimes the sunshine and fresh air can do some good. Certainly wish you the best. 

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I’ve been through some shit over the years and can understand what you are feeling.  I had 3 Achilles surgeries in 4 years and a total of 12 surgeries within 5 years. Life can look bleak sometimes when things aren’t going as you planned. I had a great support system that helped me through. If you need someone to talk to, reach out. 

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I've read every message here and the ones sent to me. I am thankful that each one of you took time to write. I'm going to be seeing someone professionally in the coming days. I'm in PA and will be at the races tomorrow. mike and ken know who this is and they reached out too. I just have to say it again thank you to all of you who continue to reach out. 

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20 minutes ago, premiumdiesel said:

I've read every message here and the ones sent to me. I am thankful that each one of you took time to write. I'm going to be seeing someone professionally in the coming days. I'm in PA and will be at the races tomorrow. mike and ken know who this is and they reached out too. I just have to say it again thank you to all of you who continue to reach out. 

Stay strong man. The best thing you did was reaching out. Many don’t. 

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1 hour ago, premiumdiesel said:

I've read every message here and the ones sent to me. I am thankful that each one of you took time to write. I'm going to be seeing someone professionally in the coming days. I'm in PA and will be at the races tomorrow. mike and ken know who this is and they reached out too. I just have to say it again thank you to all of you who continue to reach out. 

That is good news you are going to see a professional. We can all offer support but a professional will give you the specialized care and treatment that you need. You will eventually rise above this. Try to find the positives in all of the things in your life They do exist.

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